Let Us Know that You Are Out There: Notes from the Connectivity Committee

Ellen Pulleyblank Coffey

As a result of discussions at the AFTA retreat in October a new connectivity committee was formed. Its members currently include: Ellen Pulleyblank Coffey, Chair, Matthew Mock, Peter Fraenkel, Mabs Mango, Gary Sanders and Maria Flores. Our charge is to make suggestions to the Board about what changes in AFTA's structure and activities may lead to greater connectivity between members.

A working definition of connectivity suggested by Peter Fraenkel includes:

• Members' sense of ongoing relationship with one another during AFTA meetings.
• Members' sense of sustained involvement with one another between meetings.
• Members' sense of connection to the organization as an entity, including its mission and activities.
• Members' sense of connection to AFTA's past, its present, and its future.
• Members' sense of knowing how to participate in different aspects of AFTA and their interest in doing so.

We are in Phase One of our connectivity exploration. We see this as a period of "diagnosing the system/searching out the stories" rather than racing for solutions. We would like the membership to join us in this phase of discovery. So far we have read the AFTA survey, made our own reflections, had a conference call discussion about the issues, and put together this article.

Mabs Mango summarized the AFTA survey in this way: "The overall theme seems to me to be asking for a small organization, with face to face contact at conferences, with less hierarchy and structure (except for those few who want exactly the opposite.)"

In our conference call we discussed those groups of people who may be particularly neglected. These seem to be our new members and our elders. We have not turned to our elders to help us move forward and only in special cases do we give adequate mentoring to new members. Again Peter Fraenkel: "This is even true at the Board level. An example was my confusion as a new chair about whether or not I was expected at the February meeting. I got the impression that it was a Board only meeting and I didn't attend. As a new member of AFTA I also felt that I didn't get enough mentoring. When I joined I didn't know anyone. Only by luck did I meet another new member (Gonzalo Bacigalupe) and we became fast friends. Some discomfort is inevitable, but we do need better mentoring.""

Stories from new members about joining AFTA vary greatly. At the Board meeting Sue Johnson talked about how welcomed she felt when arriving at her first meeting. Some members have been invited by AFTA members and mentored by them, but there are other stories of people joining and feeling not seen or heard. Part of our work is to collect joining stories and make suggestions that will help all new members feel welcomed. We are also searching for the stories from our elders or any members who feel marginalized. There is a plan afoot to videotape interviews of our elders.

Matthew Mock suggested that we think in terms of "tributaries in the stream" as we search for these stories that have been left unresolved and for others that tell of AFTA's moving through "troubled waters". Peter Fraenkel suggests the image of "emotional dams" that block and divert parts of the main stream, often into bodies of still water that develop so much algae that they are choked. We want to collect more images and metaphors that capture members' positive and negative experiences of AFTA. We also want to search for stories about what is happening in the culture of managed care and family therapy and the aging population of our members that pull people away from participation in AFTA. Our discussion led us to also think of defining more clearly our sense of identity by focusing on the work and interplay between members who have been in the organization for different lengths of time. The dialogue groups are a good example of moving in this direction. A key point in inviting people to participate more fully is that everyone likes to be asked. We also may want to pay particular attention to our invited guests Some readily join while others seem to hesitate, perhaps not knowing how they fit into the organization. This becomes more and more important as we reach out to diversify our membership.

Matthew's image of tributaries or departures from the main "stream" of collegiality that are not followed yet continue to affect the feelings of many AFTA members left us wanting to collect members' stories about unresolved incidents such as: the Women and Violence Plenary, the White Racism Workshop in Montreal, numerous other plenaries, the issues raised by Daniel Kusnir in his recent article about roundtables and how there seems to be little attention paid to the work of our less known members. Somehow these stories go underground, with occasional bursts, yet rarely are they addressed directly. We had the feeling that they were draining away some of the energy from the organization and wondered how they might be addressed more directly and how we might track our processes more closely from year to year, not only in the Board, but with the members at the Annual Meeting, in the Newsletter and ultimately on the Web. Peter suggested that we consider some kind of event, ritual or discussion in which we experience the possibility of connection that sustains through conflict. He wants AFTA members to work together to harness the differences to create (as Bateson said) the "binocular vision that helps us appreciate the depth and complexity of all that we try to understand and work on. Getting suggestions from members about how to do this will be one of the main tasks of the committee.

Matthew reminded us not to lose sight of the events that have drawn us together. Lastly we wondered if like all families we don't need more clearly defined beginnings, middles and endings that have continuity from year to year. In response to our request for input, Hinda wrote: "AFTA began with conflict in Chicago, and with a healing exercise. There were a number of verbal scraps about adopting the bylaws. There were heated discussions and considerable backbiting. There was a healing-resolution, however. A number of people in the field were not there because of illness. I think Milton Erikson was dying at the time. Carolyn Attneave convened a tribal meeting of the committee of the whole. She conducted some sort of ritual-I can't remember what-but I remember feeling that someone had taken us in hand and given us an opportunity to be in a different emotional space with each other-the way Norma did with the song at the retreat."

In order to pay attention to these possibilities we have to challenge our tendency to only focus on the work. At a recent Board meeting we had no time to discuss connectivity or spend much time with each other because there were too many other things to decide. We at AFTA are part of the current cultural phenomenon of having less time and doing more work. Connectivity requires quiet space to pick up our heads, look around and see one another. This sometimes happens at AFTA in wonderful ways and we also want to collect those stories, but we hope with reflection this will happen more consistently for more members.

We would like interested members to let us know about their levels of connectivity to AFTA. We request that you send us examples of what is working for you, what is not including those stories that you believe are not being told, but need to be heard. If you have suggestions of what we may do to further connectivity we would like to hear those as well. If you wish to be a member of the committee, let us know and join us at our committee meeting at the Annual Meeting. Please send your comments to the editor or to Ellen Pulleyblank Coffey at: epulleybl@aol.com.