Honoring Jim Framo

By Judith Landau

My dear friend, Jim Framo, will be remembered as a giant in the field. His loyalty and love for friends and family, his courage, his integrity and sense of fairness, his pioneering spirit, and his joy and laughter endeared him to everyone. The warmth and security of his workspace was a reflection of these qualities. His office walls were lined with the photos of those he admired and loved, and with whom he had spent special moments. Unlike those who line their walls with the photos and relics of the rich and famous, in an attempt at personal aggrandizement, Jim was just filled with love, and his photos were the living record of his personal experiences and his humanity. His office resounded with the creativity, humor, and brilliance of those he attracted and drew to him as they felt his kindred spirit. Not once did anyone feel threatened by him, or dread his sneering at a new brainchild. Never did anyone fear the theft of a new idea.

Jim was a perpetual student of human nature and the world. He was always ready to learn, not only from those he loved and admired, but also from all of humanity. None was too young, nor too recently graduated, for him to question in the hope of learning something new. He appeared to enrich his own inner meaning and expand his world view with every interaction, rather than allowing himself to believe that he alone had the final answer, or the key to the truth. Jim appreciated every contact and always gave credit to those whose ideas he valued. I remember being touched that he'd included a citation of mine in one of his writings, and mentioned a contribution that he thought I'd made to the field. I think, in retrospect, that he always looked for the contributions of others, and was intrigued by the way in which our theories and discoveries interfaced with his own. He made it clear that when his thoughts coincided with those of others, the process of sharing the ideas enriched his own, rather than taking away from them. His was an unusual gift in the hard, competitive world of academia.

Jim loved the debate, and would argue a point endlessly, until all of us had arrived at a mutual place of learning and comfort. Jim leaves us without a single negative thought or word—a truly unusual accomplishment for any individual. When his death was announced at the recent AAMFT conference in Nashville, there was a deep silence in the filled hall, and all thoughts and memories were of his contributions to the field and how he would be missed. I will personally miss him in the flesh, but know that he will always be there in spirit to critique my ideas, to contribute to my integrity, and to give me the courage to state my opinions with conviction.

He left us long before we were ready for him to go. It is sad that he left us at a time when he was truly happy, and when he still had so much left to contribute to the field and the world.

I grieve with his beloved Felise, his five wonderful grandchildren, his brother, his two sisters, and his two daughters. Family meant everything to Jim. It was his love of family and his awareness of the importance of where he came from that led to his teaching us that we could and should "go home again."

Judith Landau, child and family psychiatrist, has been an AFTA member since the early 1980's.  She is President of Linking Human Systems, LLC and the LINC Foundation, in Boulder, Colorado.  She serves as a Visiting Professor at the National Jewish Medical and Research Center in Denver, Colorado and as faculty of the New York University International Trauma Studies Program.  Dr. Landau was formerly Professor of Psychiatry and Family Medicine, and Director of the Division of Family Programs at the University of Rochester, Rochester, New York.  She maintains a small private practice in Boulder, Colorado.