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My Husband, My Associations
By Felise Levine
My Jim: His Cheshire cat
grin; his rosy cheek; his incredibly soft skin; and his silken white hair.
His silliness; his playfulness; his curiosity; his childlike innocence; his
belief in goodness in people; and his generosity of heart. His scholarliness;
his organization; his thinking about systems. His worry about political correctness
in family therapy; his worry that his ideas were being left behind. His pride
in his accomplishments. The friends he brought into our life. His passion
for politics; for good food; for old movies; for straight ahead jazz; and
for Penn State football. The six o'clock news and Time magazine. Shostakovich's
5th; Beethoven's 7th; and Duke Ellington. Roses
from our garden; lemons from his lemon tree. Licorice Allsorts and Sunday
night pasta. His great bean soups. Jim's emotional openness; his willingness
to look at his stuff in our conflicts; and his willingness to confront me
on mine. His jokes and put-ons; his pain and his suffering. His boys. His
deep love for me; his children; his grandchildren; and his family-of-origin.
These are my associations. These are my memories now. He was an Italian boy
from South Philadelphia; I am a Jewish girl from Brooklyn. We had 27 years
age difference between us, and somehow we made a marriage work. Time was our
worthy opponent and we filled every ounce of it, creating an extraordinary
life together. These fifteen years with Jim were the best years of my life.
He was my closest friend and the love of my life. I am a better person for
having been married to him.
FeliseLevine has been
married to Jim for the past fifteen years. She is a licensed psychologist
in full time private practice in La Jolla, California; and teaches family
therapy and supervises dissertation research at CSPP—Alliant International
University in San Diego. She is a second year candidate in the Adult Psychoanalysis
Training Program at San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute.
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