Jim: Up Close and Personal

Donald S. Williamson, PhD.

I first met Jim Framo when he presented at an AAMFT sponsored event in 1974. We began a conversation and a friendship that continued until Jim's death.

Because I shared his intense fascination with family of origin therapy, we talked a lot about that. I was focused on the political power issues involved in relationships between adults and their parents. Jim emphasized the yearnings, losses and intimacies that bind the members of a family to each other. So we talked about similarities and differences, and together we presented and taught in a variety of settings.

Some of Jim's time as President of AFTA overlapped with my term as President of AAMFT. There were some hot issues then, and certainly we talked about that. Jim was refreshingly open, inclusive and collaborative. I very much appreciated that. Beyond these theoretical and organizational contacts, I came to know Jim more deeply through many heart to heart conversation in his later years.

Jim grew up Roman Catholic and in the end was buried in a Church graveyard, after a funeral Mass. But all his live Jim mourned the tragic losses of his two sons, unbelievably both at age nine years, although ten years apart. Himself a man of great spirit presence, tenderness and spontaneity, Jim couldn't quite reconcile these pointless young deaths with the idea of a loving God. As long as he lived he yearned for an answer—don't we all?

A couple of years ago Jim did return to, or more accurately did visit church again, and participated in the Mass on the occasion of his granddaughter's First Communion. This was an intense, moving and vulnerable moment for Jim. On a visit shortly after Stella and I attended this same church as Jim made a second visit, but by now he had recuperated back to a more appropriately and comfortably wary stance.

I did enjoy these events and related conversations with Jim, as a fellow-pilgrim and a fellow seeker. There was a remarkable curiosity, openness and congruence to his person, his heart and his mind, that encouraged more accountability in my own.

For reasons best understood only within the deep privacy of the hearts of the parties involved, Jim's first marriage ended after thirty-five years. He would have liked the opportunity to be more fully at peace with the aftermath.

Jim later married Felise Levine and by his own testimony, what followed were in many ways the very happiest days of his life. Given Felise's youthfulness, New York Jewish background and commitment to psychoanalytic training, it is a tribute both to their flexibility and the power of their connection, that they created and sustained such a rich and satisfying life together. It's amazing what great fondness can do! Stella and I spent time around their relationship, and in the many ways they cared about and cared for each other, we witnessed a remarkable embodiment of both romantic and healing love in action. What a shame for both of them that it couldn't have been longer.

Jim coped with a variety of physical impairments in his last years, and did so with courage and resiliency. It seemed to keep surprising him that more new things could go wrong with his body, perhaps because his mindset was so oriented towards health. As he aged, he also mourned the loss of his active leadership position in the family therapy movement, and wondered if he had been and would be forgotten. Like many of us, he lived close to the question, "who loves me, and is it enough?" He could and did draw upon a full repertoire of rich and treasured memories from his professional heyday.

In his last year, Jim began making notes for a Memoir on his World War II experiences as a U.S. infantryman, fighting in Italy. Some of these memories were disturbing to Jim, and some made him quite angry about war and killing and the apparent indifference of political and military leaders to human suffering at ground level. He seemed to be integrating deeply emotion-laden memories, previously set aside in the heat of battle. Jim was ever "a flaming liberal," a champion of the underdog and the common man and woman. Bravo!

Jim loved movies. I can hear him asking "did I ever tell you about my list of my hundred favorite movies?" Jim loved movies because he lived, loved and told stories, and is himself quite a story. He told us that in another lifetime he'd like to write movie scripts. Knowing Jim's energy, I don't think he's "resting in peace." I wonder, is he working on a new story?

Donald Williamson is presently Senior Fellow at the Leadership Institute of Seattle, previously Professor of Clinical Family Medicine, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston. He was President of AAMFT 1979-80 and member of the AFTA Board, 1981-83.