Overcoming Privilege in "Difficult Dialogues"^*

Nancy Baker

Part of privilege is a lack of awareness of the existence of privilege. The goal of this piece is to provide a mirror so that well-intentioned people can reflect on and change their own unconscious exercise of privilege in cross-group dialogue. This can be particularly difficult for women because we often exist simultaneously in places of relative privilege and oppression.

The following thoughts are designed to help begin these "difficult dialogues" across groups of different privilege. They will not resolve the difficult issues of power and privilege. Real change requires an alteration in the relations of power and the existence of privilege. These guidelines are merely designed to assist in beginning the dialogues, which may allow us to start making the significant and needed changes.

1. When engaging in a cross-group dialogue, do not take up air time with stories which show your being "sensitive" or an advocate for the oppressed group. Such gratuitous self-promotion carries the implicitly message that you, unlike others, do not need to do more work on your racism, sexism, homophobia, or heterosexism.
   
   
2. When in a situation where somebody makes a racist, sexist, heterosexist, or homophobic remark, never speak up "on behalf" of a member of an oppressed group who may be present. People who are the frequent targets of prejudice make their own decisions about what battles to fight. Speak up for yourself; take a stand about the fact that you are offended by the comments and not just because there is a member of the oppressed group present. Furthermore, you may wish to do a little self-inventory to make certain that you are as active in speaking up against prejudice when there is no member of the target group present-if you are offended, you are offended-that shouldn't change just because of who is in the room.
   
   
3. Never, especially in the presence of a member of an oppressed group, express how much you admire, like, respect, etc., the oppressed group, without at least acknowledging that you are making a generalization. Particularly avoid making categorical comments about members of that group, i.e., "Lesbians are so accepting of others." "Blacks are so courageous." Not all members of any group are uniformly anything. Such comments label you as using stereotypes. Even if you are commenting on positive stereotypes, you are denying members of the group their individual identities. That is offensive.
   
   
4. If a member of an oppressed group starts looking uncomfortable or withdraws from the conversation, stop and consider what may have occurred. Not everybody is going to feel safe enough to let you know that they have been offended and asking isn't necessarily going to get an answer if the other person feels unsafe. Do an internal mental review to see if something has occurred that needs to be named. If you find something which needs to be named, go back to guideline #2 and register your own discomfort on your behalf.
   
   
5. When a member of an oppressed group does you the favor of identifying the says in which your conduct or words have felt racist sexist, heterosexist, or homophobic, rather than defending your good intentions, stop and try to understand how your behavior came to be experienced as offensive. It takes hard work to root out the poison of a culture's prejudice. Having an error identified is an opportunity and an invitation to do that work.

Nancy Baker was raised in a small town in Kentucky, and educated in California. She spent 12 years as a machinist, organizer and elected union representative before earning her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology She currently works as a clinical and forensic psychologist. She is particularly interested in issues of discrimination and oppression.

^*This article was published by The Feminist Psychologist. Fall, 2001. p.8.